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English, Your English
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007 03:47 pmEvery time I return to England, I notice a few changes in the language. For example, last night I learned that 16-24-year-olds who were not in education and had never had a job are called "neats". Or maybe it's "neets" or even "nits" (vowels could have lengthened in my absence). In my day they were called dolies - I remember because I was one.
Prepositions, as John Humphrys points out in Lost For Words, are sliding about alarmingly, or maybe they are sliding around, since "around" is on the increase. You can even "focus around" something now (as some of my bad holiday photos demonstrate). I tried to exploit prepositional ambiguity to my advantage the other day when I was asked not to smoke under a shop awning, by pointing to the sign that forbade smoking "in the premises". Normally this would read "on the premises" but, as I pointed out pedantically, the operative word is "in", and I was not actually in the premises. Needless to say, this sophistry was lost on the shop employee, so I moved two feet into the street, where I could smoke with impunity (unless of course I forgetfully dropped my cigarette end in/on/around the street, in which case I could have received an £80 fine and maybe an ASBO for good measure).
I expected to see more SMS-speak and was not surprised, though I was surprised that not only had it penetrated Darkest Shropshire, but was being used in evangelism. Shortly after my prepositional smoking incident, I saw a man wearing a billboard that started "RU READY 2 MEET YR MAKR ..." and continued in similar vein all the way down to his knees. This was not the result of the quick and clumsy typing that gave us SMS-speak in the first place, since all the letters had been carefully cut out of coloured plastic and glued to the board. Moreover, the fellow was at least as old as me, so it can't have been his native tongue (and even if it were, Shropshire SMS should have words like INR for "isn't", DNR for "doesn't" and R for "he or she"). I can only assume he was trying to be "cool" (or KWL) to appeal to the "kids" (or KDZ). This is something that no one should try unless they are cynical and expert manipulators of pop culture, and is especially embarrassing when attempted by preachers. I remember this kind of thing back in the 1970s, when it was vicars with acoustic guitars and hair brushing daringly over their dog collars. They would even try halting hippie-talk like "God will blow your mind." You had the King James Bible and you sold it for this pot of message. (Sorry, that was corny, but I couldn't resist.)
Perceptive readers, especially if they happen to be my students, may cry foul here. Do I not pepper my speech with neologisms? Do I not give classes on The Matrix and talk endlessly about BTVS and Heroes when I should be teaching things like punctuation and paragraphing? Ah, but that is different. I am not a sad, middle-aged man trying to get down with the kids; I am the teacher, and that makes me God. What I do is cool by definition, and anyone who says otherwise will get a D. I am also a brilliant Corsican general who will unify Europe.
Speaking of "cool", I noticed that it is belatedly giving way to other terms of approval, notably "funky". I welcome this, as I am fed up with almost everything being described as "cool". I also recommend reviving "groovy" and maybe "fab".
Prepositions, as John Humphrys points out in Lost For Words, are sliding about alarmingly, or maybe they are sliding around, since "around" is on the increase. You can even "focus around" something now (as some of my bad holiday photos demonstrate). I tried to exploit prepositional ambiguity to my advantage the other day when I was asked not to smoke under a shop awning, by pointing to the sign that forbade smoking "in the premises". Normally this would read "on the premises" but, as I pointed out pedantically, the operative word is "in", and I was not actually in the premises. Needless to say, this sophistry was lost on the shop employee, so I moved two feet into the street, where I could smoke with impunity (unless of course I forgetfully dropped my cigarette end in/on/around the street, in which case I could have received an £80 fine and maybe an ASBO for good measure).
I expected to see more SMS-speak and was not surprised, though I was surprised that not only had it penetrated Darkest Shropshire, but was being used in evangelism. Shortly after my prepositional smoking incident, I saw a man wearing a billboard that started "RU READY 2 MEET YR MAKR ..." and continued in similar vein all the way down to his knees. This was not the result of the quick and clumsy typing that gave us SMS-speak in the first place, since all the letters had been carefully cut out of coloured plastic and glued to the board. Moreover, the fellow was at least as old as me, so it can't have been his native tongue (and even if it were, Shropshire SMS should have words like INR for "isn't", DNR for "doesn't" and R for "he or she"). I can only assume he was trying to be "cool" (or KWL) to appeal to the "kids" (or KDZ). This is something that no one should try unless they are cynical and expert manipulators of pop culture, and is especially embarrassing when attempted by preachers. I remember this kind of thing back in the 1970s, when it was vicars with acoustic guitars and hair brushing daringly over their dog collars. They would even try halting hippie-talk like "God will blow your mind." You had the King James Bible and you sold it for this pot of message. (Sorry, that was corny, but I couldn't resist.)
Perceptive readers, especially if they happen to be my students, may cry foul here. Do I not pepper my speech with neologisms? Do I not give classes on The Matrix and talk endlessly about BTVS and Heroes when I should be teaching things like punctuation and paragraphing? Ah, but that is different. I am not a sad, middle-aged man trying to get down with the kids; I am the teacher, and that makes me God. What I do is cool by definition, and anyone who says otherwise will get a D. I am also a brilliant Corsican general who will unify Europe.
Speaking of "cool", I noticed that it is belatedly giving way to other terms of approval, notably "funky". I welcome this, as I am fed up with almost everything being described as "cool". I also recommend reviving "groovy" and maybe "fab".
