When mail gets into the wrong folder ....
Monday, May 7th, 2007 11:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
robinturnerDear Major Ralph,
Thank you for submitting your essay before the deadline. My comments are below.
What is it that I know every day? That you are the commanding officer of the First Battalion, or that there is an insurgent who attacks several times?
Incidentally, I was under the impression that the CO1 of the First Battalion of the RIR was Lieutenant-Colonel McGovern, and that this regiment is in Iraq as part of something called the Coalition of the Willing, which is not aligned to the UN Department of Peacekeeping Operations. Apart from anything else, there is no peace to keep.
"Demise" is a noun, not a verb, and therefore cannot take the passive voice. Please consult the Chicago Manual of Style for advice on capitalisation.
Find a good dictionary and look up the word "redundancy".
You have managed to combine ellipsis with verbosity. I am impressed.
Is that a reference to "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"? If so, you can have bonus points for intertextuality. If not, I suggest you employ simpler syntax.
I know I have blogged about asyndeton being a rhetorical device of noble ancestry, but that, my friend, is a double comma-splice, and no amount of quotation from Aristotle's Rhetoric will let you off the hook.
I congratulate you on your artful use of the semi-colon; however, the effect is somewhat spoiled by crashing the following clause into a question.
By the way, with that insurgent around, it might be better to use actual metal boxes rather than ones which are merely metallic.
Am I to assume that my telephone and fax numbers are not part of my contact details?
While I normally recommend that essays finish with a strong conclusion, I feel there is a danger of over-stating your case here, especially since you provide no citations for this figure.
See you in summer school,
Dr. Solri
Thank you for submitting your essay before the deadline. My comments are below.
Hello, I am Major Ralph Harland, I am a British officer attached to UN peace Keeping force in Iraq, I am the commanding officer of the First Battalion of the Royal Irish Regiment, as you may know everyday, there are several cases of insurgent’s attacks and suicide bombs going on here.What is it that I know every day? That you are the commanding officer of the First Battalion, or that there is an insurgent who attacks several times?
Incidentally, I was under the impression that the CO1 of the First Battalion of the RIR was Lieutenant-Colonel McGovern, and that this regiment is in Iraq as part of something called the Coalition of the Willing, which is not aligned to the UN Department of Peacekeeping Operations. Apart from anything else, there is no peace to keep.
We managed to Move funds belonging to some demised persons who were attacked and killed through insurgent attacks."Demise" is a noun, not a verb, and therefore cannot take the passive voice. Please consult the Chicago Manual of Style for advice on capitalisation.
The total amount is US$9.5 Million dollars in cash. Find a good dictionary and look up the word "redundancy".
We want to move this money to you, so that you may keep our share for us until when we shall come over to meet you.You have managed to combine ellipsis with verbosity. I am impressed.
We will take 60%, my partner and I.Is that a reference to "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"? If so, you can have bonus points for intertextuality. If not, I suggest you employ simpler syntax.
You take 40%. No strings attached, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone.I know I have blogged about asyndeton being a rhetorical device of noble ancestry, but that, my friend, is a double comma-splice, and no amount of quotation from Aristotle's Rhetoric will let you off the hook.
We plan on using Diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in two large metallic boxes, using diplomatic immunity. If you are interested I will send you the full details; my aim is to find a good partner that we can trust and assist us can you be trusted?I congratulate you on your artful use of the semi-colon; however, the effect is somewhat spoiled by crashing the following clause into a question.
By the way, with that insurgent around, it might be better to use actual metal boxes rather than ones which are merely metallic.
When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail here majorralphharland@yahoo.co.uk, or majorralpharland@aol.co.uk signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication and also your contact details.Am I to assume that my telephone and fax numbers are not part of my contact details?
This business is 100% risk free.While I normally recommend that essays finish with a strong conclusion, I feel there is a danger of over-stating your case here, especially since you provide no citations for this figure.
See you in summer school,
Dr. Solri
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Re: You received that as 'spam' ?
Date: 2007-05-07 10:02 am (UTC)