Progressive politics for white male misanthropes

[robinturner]

Poverty

Poor people suck. They're dirty, they have terrible taste in clothes, and they want to steal your property. Homeless poor people are even worse, since they hassle you for change and have long-distance body odour. Getting rid of poor people will improve your life.

There are two ways to achieve this. The first is to physically eliminate all poor people. This has not been tried on a large scale, but a pilot scheme in Brazil involving homeless children turned out to be a waste of police time and ammunition. The second is to develop an economic system that produces as few poor people as possible. Note that this does not necessarily mean that we need to, in the noble words of President Bush, "make the pie higher." We can, and probably will, make people richer overall, but that in itself won't stop some people from being stubbornly poor relative to the rest of us. A poor person in the USA has more money than a middle-class person in Bangladesh, but who would you rather live next to: a bunch of trailer trash or a nice Bangladeshi schoolteacher? It seems that in order to get rid of nasty poor people, we need a system which effectively stops people from being poor, or at least ensures that as few people as possible are poor, and that those that are, are less poor. This system is called social democracy. Go to Stockholm and enjoy the spectacle of a clean, efficient city without lots of nasty, dirty poor people messing it up.

Development

The Third World is a luxury we can't afford. Everything that has been said about poor people applies to the Third World in spades. There are billions of horrible scrawny poor people out there just waiting for an opportunity to turn into suicide bombers. Let's develop their asses!

Racism

Let's face it, Black people are scary. They're bigger than us, and they have bigger muscles and, most importantly, bigger schlongs. Black people have been scaring White people since Shakespeare wrote Othello. But consider this: which is scarier, a Black professor of English Literature at Harvard or a Black crack-dealer waving an Uzi? Make Black people less scary - give them equal education and job opportunities!

Sexism

Whoever said "women - can't live with them, can't live without them" was lying. Any man who can operate a microwave and a washing machine can live without women. Women invented patriarchy as a way to sponge off men - let's give them equal opportunities and make the lazy cows work for their living!