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More Thoughts on Happiness: Part 3
Sunday, September 1st, 2013 08:07 pm[This is part of a multi-part post that starts here.]
St. Paul is definitely not one of my favourite people, but he did hit the nail on the head sometimes:
And if even Aleister Crowley, who was about as warm and fuzzy as a spiked gauntlet, could declare "Love is the Law," then surely there has to be something in it. However, the problem with talking about love is that we associate it either with romantic infatuation, or with the kind of people who tell us to love our neighbour, then turn round and say "Kill them all, God will know his own."
Love is not easy to define, to put it mildly, but we may say that it involves two kinds of desire: desire for another's well-being, and desire for closeness to them, or even unity with them. Bearing in mind the 80/20 rule, we may better off concentrating on the first of these, which we can call kindness, even though the second has its place. It's very hard to make yourself love people, and as Alain de Botton points out, one of the reasons why religion works so well is that it gives us perfect beings we can adore and strive for unity with without actually having to live with them. But while in practice we will never want to be close to all sentient beings, or even everyone in the office, we can try to regard them kindly. By this I mean not only treating them kindly (which basic morality requires us to do anyway) but trying to understand them and wishing them well. Even this is impossible to achieve 100%, but it's remarkable how far you can go with only a little effort.
One of my favourite techniques for helping me to regard others kindly is the Four Limitless Qualities meditation. The "limitless qualities" are loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity, which correspond to each line in the following chant.
May $x enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May $x be free from suffering and the root of suffering.
May $x not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering.
May $x dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice.
where $x is an array containing yourself, whoever you love most, a friend or acquaintance, a stranger, someone who really pisses you off, and all sentient beings. Loop through them then go on to the next line. You can play around with the wording as much as you like. Pema Chödrön explains it well.
That's just one technique; the point is to train ourselves to be well-disposed to ourselves and others. It shouldn't be necessary to point out how this is likely to make us happier; if nothing else, the more kindly we regard others, the less we will view them as threats, and so the less we will be subject to anger, hatred and fear.
3. Love
St. Paul is definitely not one of my favourite people, but he did hit the nail on the head sometimes:
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if even Aleister Crowley, who was about as warm and fuzzy as a spiked gauntlet, could declare "Love is the Law," then surely there has to be something in it. However, the problem with talking about love is that we associate it either with romantic infatuation, or with the kind of people who tell us to love our neighbour, then turn round and say "Kill them all, God will know his own."
Love is not easy to define, to put it mildly, but we may say that it involves two kinds of desire: desire for another's well-being, and desire for closeness to them, or even unity with them. Bearing in mind the 80/20 rule, we may better off concentrating on the first of these, which we can call kindness, even though the second has its place. It's very hard to make yourself love people, and as Alain de Botton points out, one of the reasons why religion works so well is that it gives us perfect beings we can adore and strive for unity with without actually having to live with them. But while in practice we will never want to be close to all sentient beings, or even everyone in the office, we can try to regard them kindly. By this I mean not only treating them kindly (which basic morality requires us to do anyway) but trying to understand them and wishing them well. Even this is impossible to achieve 100%, but it's remarkable how far you can go with only a little effort.
One of my favourite techniques for helping me to regard others kindly is the Four Limitless Qualities meditation. The "limitless qualities" are loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity, which correspond to each line in the following chant.
May $x enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May $x be free from suffering and the root of suffering.
May $x not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering.
May $x dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice.
where $x is an array containing yourself, whoever you love most, a friend or acquaintance, a stranger, someone who really pisses you off, and all sentient beings. Loop through them then go on to the next line. You can play around with the wording as much as you like. Pema Chödrön explains it well.
That's just one technique; the point is to train ourselves to be well-disposed to ourselves and others. It shouldn't be necessary to point out how this is likely to make us happier; if nothing else, the more kindly we regard others, the less we will view them as threats, and so the less we will be subject to anger, hatred and fear.
