An intellectual will

I just read in one of my friends' journals that she was making a will. After I got over the initial panic (is she dying?) I thought about my own will, and realised that I had bugger all to bequeath, and what little I have would in any case automatically go to my wife, who is the person I would like to have it. But what if it were possible to bequeath the contents of your brain - not indirectly, via books or blogs, but directly? In that case, I would make the following final will and testament.

1. To my dear wife, I leave my martial arts skills, my British stiff upper lip, and my inability to see dust.
2. To my mother, in the unlikely event that I pass away before she does, I leave the knowledge that she was a perfect parent and a model human being (sorry if that sounds horribly pop psychological, but I had to say it).
3. To my LJ friends, I leave my tropes.
4. To my boss, I leave my apathy and procrastinatory skills.
5. To vret, I leave all the bits of music floating around in my head that I never bothered to write down.
6. To my students, I leave what remains of my anarchism.
7. To my elder brother, I leave my self-indulgence
8. To my younger brother ... hang on, I don't have a younger brother. Scratch that one.
9. To my neighbours, I leave my ability to ignore loud noises.
10. To my father-in-law, I leave the ability to handle my mother-in-law.
11. To my female in-laws (to be divided equally) I leave my ability not to scream when provoked.
12. To Uncle Erol, I leave my ability to stop drinking rakı before I've finished the bottle.
13. To my nieces, I leave my wickedness.