Four cigarette things

Update on my cigarette quitting ...

First thing - if anyone here wants to describe smokers, drunkards, heroin users and the like as "weak-willed" or having "addictive personalities", prepare to be as slapped-about as is possible in a virtual medium. This is not like the kind of conflict of will you experience when you are wondering whether to have another drink or turn in early - unless, of course, you are a genuine alcoholic, as in having a brain that responds differently to alcohol. This isn't a case of two desires slugging it out in a good-natured way with Queensbury rules; this is Will vs. Chemistry, and no holds barred. Will is winning at the moment, but it's a tough fight. Not smoking a cigarette when everyone around me is smoking and there are packets lying around spreading their tops is the equivalent of a dirty old man walking through a Girl Scout convention and thinking about plate tectonics or hydrangeas.

Second thing - if any smokers here are considering giving up, I say "Do it!" Not so much because it is healthy (minimising the chances of an agonising death is a plus, but then few deaths are positively enjoyable) but because it is fascinating. In a perverse way, it's fun watching your neurons squirm. It makes you think long and hard about the mind-brain-rest-of-the-body relationship.

Third thing - giving up smoking allows you to experience that "I am saved" social approval without doing something stupid and dangerous, like handling snakes or strapping a load of C4 to yourself and getting on an aeroplane.

Fourth thing - related to the former point, you get a lot of tolerance from people around you (or if you don't, you have a good excuse for slapping them around - see the first thing). My wife is being really supportive, which doesn't just mean trying not to blow cigarette smoke in my face, but includes accepting my occasional need to get blind drunk and getting well out of the way when the aggression starts.

This last one is really interesting. When I was in England, I didn't get any of the normal quitter's rage. I got occasional Rainman episodes, but I get those anyway - it's just who I am, and nicotine was useful in controlling it (which reminds me that I need to find another way to avoid beating my head with my hands and shouting "Hot water burned baby"). Now I'm getting something more like the Manchurian Candidate. Oh well, this too will pass.

Never underestimate the power of a molecule.

On being a nasty skeptic

I think I need a T-shirt which reads "If I dispute your proof, that doesn't mean I automatically disagree with your conclusion." The problem is that, as wearable slogans go, it is not exactly snappy. Maybe I should just go for "Your logic is embarrassing," but then I would need a way to conceal it quickly when dealing with people who control things like whether my contract will be renewed.

Stehpinkeln ist Verboten!

Apparently, a German company is manufacturing a device that warns men if they lift the toilet seat. The so-called WC Ghost has a repertoire of threats like "Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down" (delivered in the voice of Helmut Kohl).

I am resigned to women moaning about our leaving the toilet seat up when gravity is already on their side. I can admit that they sometimes have a point about the stains when we miss, but such problems can be avoided by men remembering to aim carefully and to wipe when they miss, and women not filling the bathroom with silly fluffy rugs whose only purpose is to act as urine traps. But to attempt to abolish "stand-peeing" altogether is outrageous, and the kind of thing that makes crotchety old men go on about how "this women's lib thing has gone too damn' far."

There is also the fact that the manufacturers of this horrendous machine have no grasp of male psychology. A machine that detects your raising of the toilet seat is not an incentive to piss sitting down; it is a challenge to piss standing up without raising the toilet seat.

Self-pity

I find it interesting how and why we feel sorry for ourselves. I'm not saying it's always a bad thing; although most people take a dim view of self-pity, I can see how it could serve some useful purpose on occasion. Perhaps I am only alive today because one of my paleolithic ancestors was feeling mopey and preferred to sulk in his cave sucking on a bone, rather than join the jolly hunting party who had spotted an absolutely magnificent sabre-toothed tiger down the valley, just past the cave-bear's lair and over the rocky rapids. However, apart from keeping me out of harm's way by encouraging me to mope and recuperate, I see little value in these moods - I simply find them fascinating.