British TV

One of the great things about visiting my mother and my mother country is British TV.

I started the evening with a TV series about a stage magician's assistant who doubles as an amateur detective solving the kind of crimes that could only be committed by magicians. There are two murders to solve, one of which takes place on a film set in a stately home in a locked room, and the other in the dungeon of a Scottish castle where Bloody Mary used to martyr Protestants.

Then, after deciding that it is once again too late to try to understand 24, I channel-hop and find a sex scene in Welsh. Of course, since it takes place in Wales, it's in a dank wood and both parties are fully clothed.

After failing to comprehend this, I find a channel featuring an accordion player performing Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, before finally reaching the late night adult channel, which annouces in serous tones, "What was the greatest TV series ever? Was it Pride and Prejudice? Was it Mansfield Park? Of course not, it was Topless Darts!"

I love this country.