Colonic spam

[robinturner]

I've had spam advertising weight-loss, breast-enlargement, vacancies at online sweatshops, pyramid schemes, Euros, all kinds of pornography, email adress lists I can spam to, anti-virus software (which makes me want to reply, childishly "ha ha, I use Linux, you sad losers!"). And of course I get the usual invitations to handle the funds of some Third World dictator. But this is the first time I've had a spam graphically describing my bowel movements:

Let's talk stools. The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

Sorry, but I won't be spending $51.50 (how do they work out these prices so precisely?) on this product. On the rare occasions that I feel the need to cleanse my colon,I just eat a bunch of pickled chilli peppers washed down with neat raki.

Comments

Did the title by any chance read:

[tristan-moore.livejournal.com]

Does your shit float?

[katminnaar.livejournal.com]

OMG! *L*

I suppose you could ask them, "hey, if I happen to sit on the toilet and read while I'm evacuating my bowels, and my stool sinks after awhile... do I still need to cleanse?" Heh heh. (Btw, an M.D. once told me colonics can mess up the body's ion balance. I suppose they didn't mention that?)

Yeah, just eat some bran and get some exercise--after which it should be a very simple, "Come onnnnn, ice cream!" (reference to Cheech & Chong ;))

Between two stools...

[ankh156.livejournal.com]

Salvador Dali (the last true living magus) extolled the divinatory powers of stool examination. (Ref : Diary of a Genius.)